Kieran Just Kieran

And on the subject of Kierans (is there a collective noun for call centre Kierans) a new Kieran from Commercial Utilities has called, he declined to give his full name, nor could he explain what this mysterious database is, I tried him with the names of his colleagues but he didn’t know them, and I was very concerned with the organisational development of Commercial Utilities. Now Kieran 2 as he shall be known was perhaps a little troubled in the mental capacity department, as not only could he not remember his own name he thought the reason that he didn’t know his colleagues was because there were 3 million people working there. I suggested they should socialise and get to know each other, perhaps given the poor working conditions and soulless environment they might join a union? No? Well at least think about popping a notice up in the kitchen and try for a five a side football team or a pub quiz team? Surely in a work place of 3 million he could find another 4 kindred spirits to ease his lonely burden. 8 minutes and 47 seconds.


Kieran returns

To those of you following the Commercial Utilities saga, you will be so please to hear that this afternoon I had another call from the lovely cuddly Kieran Martins. I asked if he was calling to thank me for spreading the Kieran love, and had Megan found him. He seemed a little confused. I gently reminded him we had become good friends yesterday and I couldn’t seem to locate his Facebook page. He hung up at 3 minutes and 5 seconds, not so cuddly today it seems.

Nathan McCall

Nathan McCall apparently has been in Manchester for a couple of years after coming down from Scotland to work for Commercial utilities. Seemed such a cheerful chappie with his Scottish accent, and naive optimism that I would give him my details. I asked him why he was doing it, apparently it is just a job, and his job is to get my details. Yet he seemed entirely unsure as to what ‘the database’ he is referring to is, or who owns it and is responsible for the data and it’s protection. Frustration overcame him at 5 minutes 31 seconds, and I do hope when he hung up on me it was to go and find out more about the data protection act.

Kyle Lewin

Kyle Lowin, tested my patience over 9 mins and 2 seconds. We cycled and recycled around his apparent need for my private data and he was no fun, instead he got personal and threatening. I still persisted in maintaining the conversation, despite my a customer snorting with laughter in the background at some of the terms and phrases I asked him to clarify. Santa won’t be coming to THAT particular little boy this Christmas. He has no idea how dangerous it is to refer to me as “miss”! Doesn’t he know I am a bone fide elf with links to the big man in the red suit.

The next day…

I had noticed that since the new approach on the 8th October that the calls had slowed up.   wondered if this was because they were recording data and had got me down as some mad old bint. Feeling a bit more serious today I thought I might get to the bottom of this database and data protection issues.


I was feeling a bit sorry for the boys and girls at Commercial utilities, so when Georgia rang up, I thought I would share the Kieran love again. She was either less receptive to the possibility of inter office romance or Megan had already got in and bagged him. She hung up after 2 minutes 45 seconds.

Sweet Megan

Well, this afternoon, I have been playing Cupid at Commercial Utilities Registrations Department. Megan called, such a pretty little voice, if that is possible with flat vowels. I told her I knew all about commercial utilities as my friend Kieran worked there! We were going to be Facebook friends! She kept trying to waffle on about meters, but I asked her if she knew Chelsea and Matt. It seems there are over 200 of these battery hen telesales youngsters there and they are not allowed to get up and talk to each other! It sounded awful she doesn’t know her co workers! I told her that at break time or lunch time she should look for Kieran, was she single? , because he sounded very nice! She hung up after 3 minutes 20 seconds.